Honestly, there are tons. Like… Tons… I shouldn’t be so dependent on other people for my happiness. I shouldn’t worry about the fact that I’m single. I shouldn’t be turnign to sex because I’m upset. I shouldn’t be upset just because the girl I’ve been crushing on for months has a guy she wants to get with. I shouldn’t feel slighted because she didn’t tell me… I shouldn’t get touchy whenever someone mentions their past relationships when I have none. I shouldn’t be upset when others are happy. And I shouldn’t get mad when I don’t talk to someone I’m crushing on.

But I do. Because I’m not used to these feelings. I’m used to havign people to talk to, even if they don’t care. I’m not used to crushign on someone for so long, and havign them in such close quaters, to trusting them and telling them any and everything, and them not telling me something like that. I’m not used to having the freedom to do damn near anything I want. I can go out any time, see anyone, do almost anything… It’s too much, I know…

So I need to work. I need to work on not being so dependant on others. I need to work on being happy for myself. With myself. I need to remember that I survived over 18 years without the touch of another person for comfort and I don’t need it now. I don’t need them to reassure me that I exist. That I’m important to someone. Because honestly? I’m probably not. I’m pretty darn positive that what’s going on between me and this person means more to me than for them. And I think I’m okay with that.

What I need to do is get over myself. Get out of my feelings. Remember that people have their own lives and that sometimes, I’m just not a part of it. I need to learn that being shy gets me no where. Beign in my self will gain me nothign but greif.

And I need to actually do it this time.

lolthefunniest:

Where one moment, you’re like, “I don’t need to be in a relationship! I’m a free bitch, baby!”

Then there are days like, “I just want someone to fuck.”

Then there are times like, “I want someone to talk to and cuddle with. Why am I so repulsive?”

It’s like every other damn week I change my mind. And it really pisses me off to the point where I am confused about everything.

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(Source: Forlornrecluse)